Dear Diane,
My fiancé and I have been engaged for two years and we are now planning our wedding—and money is currently a hot topic. We are having somewhat of a skirmish when it comes to the budget. I want a fairy tale ceremony and he wants something much more low-key. He calls some of my ideas frivolous and I secretly think he is being cheap. We can afford the expenses but we are struggling with the value of essential versus luxury items. We both have a different opinion when it comes to “must-haves”. Any tips on how to jump on the same page before we have a serious blowup?
SG
Dear SG,
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. It’s a little surprising you haven’t figured out each other’s spending habits and personal preferences by now. It also seems as if you both have different spending philosophies. Or, to avoid conflict, did you know and decide to ignore them until now? In general, the best time to discuss money and finances is when you enter into a serious relationship and make a decision to blend lives and homes. Pinpointing a potential problem and finding a resolution early is the best way to handle a possible future financial disaster. Money is one of the most often cited reasons for divorce due to stress and frustration.
Talking with your partner about money and finances is definitely a sensitive topic. It’s also one that is necessary in order to be on the same page for the long run. Studies show, one of the main reasons couples break up is over financial issues. Having a discussion about cash, investments, spending habits and credit scores is uncomfortable but essential. Here are a few conversation topics to think about and go over in your head before you have the conversation.
Personal Spending Habits
How financially compatible are you when it comes to big purchases? Do you want to take an extravagant trip once a year, travel first class and stay at a 5-star hotel while your significant other is happy taking the bus to the beach in the next town and eat from the local food carts? If neither of you is willing to compromise, plan, and do a little of what you both enjoy, you are in for a turbulent future. It’s important to plan, save, be reasonable when it comes to traveling with your mate. Going into debt for an experience you can’t afford is a recipe for disaster. Because the bills will add up very quickly.
Savings, Investments and Credit Card Debt
“Financial infidelity,” much like marital infidelity, is the act of hiding debt and secretly spending. It can easily wear down a relationship quickly or kill it slowly over time. Full disclosure on what you both plan to save, how to spend, what you plan to invest and knowledge of your credit balances are important facts to talk over with your partner.
Shared Money Goals
It’s essential to be on the same page with common interests and goals, such as buying a new home, making a large purchase such as a boat or lake house, or replacing an old car. Even a conversation about where you want your children to attend school, private versus public, is a good idea to talk about at this point. You may not be thinking about kids right now but it is an important financial topic and should be factored into your future financial decisions. The goal is to think of as many scenarios as possible and get them all on the table. It doesn’t mean you won’t or can’t change your mind down the road, but a slight variation is different than a complete surprise about where you see yourself and your partner financially in a few years.
