Dear Diane,
A group of friends are planning a baby shower tea party. We would like for it to be a special event and fear some of our friends will show up casually dressed. Is it appropriate or offensive to ask the guests to dress in a pretty dress or pair of dressy slacks?
We would also love your advice on how to make our tea party a smashing success. Any tea tips would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you so much,
Caroline B.
Hello Caroline,
Perfect timing! This week is Afternoon Tea Week, so your question has incredible timing. Tea parties are so much fun. It provides a wonderful opportunity for friends to get together and celebrate a special occasion over a cup of tea and some delicious sweets. You may certainly ask people to dress a little fancy since it’s a special event. As the hostess, it is your responsibility to make your guests feel comfortable so asking them to do something over the top, such as calm and a special era or wear a certain type of hat or gloves may be more than they are interested in participating in.
As long as the dress code is not unreasonable, your guests will likely be happy to oblige.
Here are a few additional tips from my blog to help make your afternoon tea a success.
Dress the Table
A vibrant and cheerful spread will make your tea feel extra special. Get creative and use items you have around the house for a unique and personal touch. Perhaps you have a teapot that never comes out of the closet because it’s cracked or you’ve lost the lid. Turn it into a chic vintage floral centerpiece for the table.
Unplug
Encourage your guests to turn their cell phones off or switch to silent during the tea party. Afternoon tea is a gentle reminder of a more relaxed time. Lead by example, putting your phone or tablet in your purse and keeping them out of sight. If you are expecting an important call, check your phone away from other guests and excuse yourself to a private place to make, or receive your call.
Use Your Fingers
Despite your initial instinct to use a knife and fork, tea sandwiches, cookies and petit fours may be eaten with your fingers. Feel free to pick up the scones and finger pastries and enjoy! But remember, cake and other sticky food items still do require utensils.
Milk In Last
There is an ongoing debate as to whether milk should be poured into the cup before the tea (“MIF”), or after. The prior reasoning behind “milk in first” was to prevent a delicate porcelain tea cup from cracking as a reaction to the boiling water. The correct protocol, to end the “MIF” vs “MIL” debate, is to pour milk in after the tea has been poured.
One Bite at a Time
Never cut your scone in half and slather the center with jelly, proceeding to eat the scone like you would a sandwich. Rather, break one piece of the scone apart, butter it with clotted cream or jam, and eat the single piece. Jelly or jam should always go on the scone first, followed by the clotted cream.
Teaspoon Out
Never drink with a teaspoon in your teacup. After you have stirred your tea, making every effort not to clink the sides of the cup, place your teaspoon behind the cup, at an angle on the saucer. The handle of your cup and the teaspoon should be facing the same direction.
Keep it Light
Jealousy, anger and negativity are three guests that have no place at your tea table, or in your life. It is never polite to speak unkindly about another person or fellow guest. Tea conversation should be uplifting and positive. Stay away from negative topics or subjects that are best discussed in private.
Best of luck,
Diane
