Dear Diane,
I notice that some of my friends invite us over for “dinner” while others use the word “supper” when referring to the evening meal. Is there a difference? I want to make sure I’m using the correct term.
Kate A.
Dear Kate,
When I was growing up in the South, I would spend every Sunday at my grandmother’s house where we would eat “Sunday supper.” My girlfriend in Iowa also uses the word “supper’ when referring to the evening meal. Many people call it “dinner,” so your question is both interesting and valid.
What you, your friends or your grandparents call their midday and evening meals could reveal their background, geographically or culturally. Today, the words are used somewhat interchangeably, although historically each had distinct meanings.
Largest Meal of the Day
The term “dinner” describes the largest meal of the day. In the past, especially in the American South and Midwest where farming was the dominant industry, dinner referred to the midday meal. That was the biggest meal because workers needed ample amounts of food to get through an afternoon of physical work.
A Lighter Meal
“Supper” referred to a lighter meal. Farming families used this term for the evening meal, which consisted of soup or another light fare. In the more industrialized Northeastern U.S., where people worked outside of the home and were not able to get home to have their largest meal in the middle of the day, dinner referred to the evening meal.
Defined
Historically dinner is not necessarily linked to the time of day, but the size of the meal. That’s why over time this has become the phrase most people use to describe the evening meal. In some parts of the country, particularly those with strong agricultural roots, the word supper is still fairly common.
Dictionary.com defines supper as the evening meal or any light evening meal, while dinner is described as “the main meal of the day, eaten in the evening or at midday.” Another dinner definition is “a formal meal in honor of some person or occasion.” That’s why during the holidays, we traditionally call any Thanksgiving or Christmas feast “dinner.”
Which brings us back to your original question: which is the appropriate term? The answer: “dinner” is the standard name for the main meal. You can’t go wrong referring to an evening meal this way. The word supper is still used today but is not as common.
Exceptions
As with any rule, there are exceptions. In some households, “Sunday supper” remains a cherished tradition that brings families and friends together to share a meal that is undoubtedly the biggest one of the day. If you’re invited to Sunday supper, you can generally expect a hearty spread regardless of when it’s served. A pot roast complete with gravy and potatoes or a simmering vat of meatballs and homemade red sauce (followed by a beautiful handmade pie) are examples of the kind of home-cooked fare at the heart of a Sunday meal.
Some traditional Sunday supper rituals involve putting a roast in the oven in the morning, heading to church, then returning home to sit down to a delicious, hot meal in the early afternoon. With the burgeoning foodie culture, Sunday suppers are experiencing a revival as a chance to bring friends together on a day when they have time to gather around the table and relax over a home cooked meal – sometimes after a visit to the local farmer’s market for fresh, locally-sourced ingredients.
Sunday brunch is a similar concept – a special-occasion feast to share with loved ones – but with an earlier timeframe and more breakfast-focused dishes, such as eggs, bacon, ham or some other type of roasted meat, pancakes or waffles, biscuits, fruit and perhaps even bloody marys or mimosas.
However, if your friend invites you over for supper, no need to go into a vocabulary debate; just thank her for the invitation, ask her what time she’d like you to be there and what you can bring!
Sincerely,
Diane
For more of Diane’s etiquette tips read her posts on Inc., subscribe to her articles on Huff Post, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow her on Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter. Buy her new book, Modern Etiquette for a Better Life.
