Dear Diane,
I recently reconnected with a high school friend and we met over lunch to catch up on each other’s lives. Honestly, I was taken aback by her abrasive personality. I remembered her to be quiet and soft-spoken, but I found myself struggling as she interrupted me over and over again mid-sentence. Additionally, while she graciously paid for our meals, I couldn’t help but notice she left a cheap tip for our server. As the song goes… should I stay or should I go? I had such high hopes!
Alice L.
Dear Alice,
I’m sorry about your experience, especially when you were looking forward to reconnecting with a friend from your past. Use your intuition to determine whether her constant interrupting could have been attributed to her nervousness in seeing you again. Some people struggle with being extra chatty when they are uneasy. Her tipping expertise may also be a lack of sophistication or knowledge. That said, the way someone treats a service provider is a good indicator of how they behave in life.
Surrounding yourself with positive people who share a similar joie de vivre ranks high in priority when it comes to friendship etiquette. You didn’t mention whether her demeanor was negative and if so, it would certainly be strike three.
As far as what to do when you see someone under-tip a server, it’s perfectly acceptable to circle back and make the situation right, or if you are good friends, say, “Mary, I would like to leave a bit more gratuity. Our server made every effort to make our visit enjoyable, and I want to compensate her accordingly.” Yes, it’s awkward, but you are already uncomfortable for stiffing a hard worker. Even poor service calls for a minimum of 10% gratuity (and a conversation with the general manager, not in the presence of a friend or client). You may want to give your long lost friend one more chance and make a final decision based on the second attempt. The final decision must come from your own comfort level.
Best,
Diane
