Dear Diane,
I was recently invited to an acquaintance’s (a professional colleague’s) home for dinner. It was a lovely affair from start to finish, with the food catered and the backyard filled with beautiful lights and music for her guests to enjoy. I now feel like I should invite her over to my place, which is not as elaborate. My budget is also very different. The thought of entertaining her makes me feel stressed, pressured, and somewhat intimidated—imagining her in my tiny apartment with my small balcony and hand-me-down furniture. Is it necessary or considered impolite if I choose not to reciprocate?
Answer:
It is not a strict rule to counter one invitation with another; however, it is seen as a gracious sign of gratitude to return a kind gesture in some form or fashion. It’s not necessary to host the same type of party, or even host the person at your home. You can take her out to eat, either lunch, brunch, or dinner. You might also suggest doing something off the grid like going for a hike (with a beautifully packed lunch) or taking her to lunch afterwards.
Basically, it’s not essential to host a comparable type of gathering with the same sort of grandeur. What is an absolute “must” is sending a thank you note to the host for the invitation to their home, expressing gratitude for their efforts and kindness.
Your next move could potentially be a stepping stone to a wonderful friendship. Real relationships aren’t dictated by equal bank accounts, but by shared interests and character.
