Dear Diane,
Who pays on the first date? I have recently joined the online dating world and I find myself confused when it comes time to pay the bill. I have gone out with several potential partners but more often than not, when the check arrives at the table, they don’t take out their wallet. For me, it’s an automatic deal killer. What are your thoughts?
Dani B.
Dear Dani,
Many questions come to mind when someone is on a first date, among them what type of impression you may have made, are you interested in a follow-up date and who is going to pay the bill? The standard rule has always been, the person who extends the invitation is responsible for covering the cost of the bill and also leaving a tip. However, when it comes to online dating, which can feel like “serial dating” multiple people, in the hopes of finding “the one,” eating out can get expensive.
The best way to feel comfortable when the check arrives is to follow these simple tips:
Be Ready and Willing
Who pays for the first date? The person who asked you out also probably has intentions of handling the bill. However, nothing is ever written in stone. Pay special attention to their body language for cues. If the bill sits on the table for several seconds too long, be prepared to pull out your wallet and cover the cost of your own meal. Unless it has been communicated in advance that you will split the bill, make no assumptions. Always carry a credit card, as well as some cash, in the event the restaurant or coffee shop does not take plastic.
Order Smart
A first date is not synonymous with a free expensive meal. You will be perceived as high maintenance if you order the most expensive item and then sit back and wait for someone else to pull out their wallet to pay for your steak and lobster meal. Show respect for your date by ordering something modest and middle of the road. Follow their lead or ask if they have any suggestions. Don’t order out of your price range in the event you end up paying for your half.
Offer to Pay
Some people may be insulted if you extend an offer to cover your part, but it is better to be safe than sorry. Make sure you show gratitude with your words and body language. Smile, acknowledge how you enjoyed meeting the person (even if you don’t plan to see them again). While you don’t want to give someone false hope, it is courteous to be kind. Even if you don’t want a second date, avoid being rude or ghosting the person.
Don’t feel obligated to accept a second date, just because someone else paid. Another good reason to cover your own meal.
Huffington Post recently covered a situation where a woman was out on a date and her date ordered two cake pops and didn’t share with her. The whole situation went viral, and you can read the article and my thoughts here.
Good luck,
Diane
