Dear Diane,
I am in a Valentine’s Day dilemma. I have planned a much-awaited reunion with three of my high school girlfriends. We are planning to get together and spend the weekend catching up. Not only have we not seen each other for 15 years, one of my girlfriends is coming in from another state for our union.
I just found out from my mother-in-law, who swore me to secrecy, that my husband is planning a surprise Valentine’s Day getaway, which will include travel over the weekend. I know his intentions are good, but quite frankly, it messes up my girlfriend’s weekend. He knows about my plans with girlfriends, and I almost am offended that he did not take my feelings and my plans into consideration. Evidently, my gift includes an airline flight and tropical weather. I understand that most people would be grateful, but I think it’s rather rude not to discuss this kind of big decision with me first.
My question is, should I fess up and tell him I know of his plans? It would mean that I would be betraying my mother-in-law’s confidence. But, at the same time, he needs to know that seeing my girlfriends over the weekend is very important to me. What should I do?
Thank you for your help.
Ally
Dear Ally,
It is evident in your letter that both you and your husband have good intentions. Your mother-in-law shared the information with you because she saw a potential Valentine’s day disaster ahead.
Honesty is the best policy.
I am sure your husband was so excited about planning a special weekend for you, he completely forgot that you were planning a special weekend with your girlfriends. The best-case scenario would be to let your mother-in-law know you are going to have to address the situation to divert complications in just a few short days. Let your husband know you found out about his surprise and appreciate all of his efforts. Ask him if there’s any way to change the date to the following weekend.
Another option would be for your mother-in-law to remind him that you have already made plans which are very important to you. At this point, the goal is to avoid hurt feelings as well travel cancellation fees.
Communication is essential.
Wow, surprises are fun, not all surprises are welcome. Knowing your partner and carefully listening is key to a successful outcome. I wish you the very best of luck. Your husband sounds very thoughtful, and I’m sure you two will be able to work something out that will be romantic and fun.
Sincerely,
Diane
