Dear Diane,
I need your help! I’m hoping you can offer advice as to how to handle a situation I find myself facing every year. This it is — we live in Nags Head, NC. It’s beautiful here on the Outer Banks! We’re very blessed. So blessed, in fact, that each summer we have family and friends visit us. Most often, a visit to us is their summer vacation because we have a pool, quiet location, and a boat to go out on the water. As much as we love their visits and time spent together, it’s now to the point of adversely affecting our household budget. We supply everything! Food, drinks, transportation…you get the idea.
I love my family and friends very much, and happy for them that they enjoy their time here. But I also know that, if they were to vacation anywhere else, they’d be spending their own money to do so. How do I approach this? I’d like for them to contribute in some way — treat us to a dinner out, buy some wine, handle the cost of fuel on the boat, anything! They’re all hard-working folks, just like us. Bottom line is this — our budget can no longer absorb the expenses of having visitors. I’m torn. Can you offer some advice?
Thanks,
Amelia
Dear Amelia,
You sound like a fun host! I appreciate your email, and it’s a matter of setting up a few “friendly” boundaries.
Here are a few ideas to get the conversation started:
Open the Dialogue Around Shared Responsibilities
When you receive a phone call, email or text inquiring about a possible visit, be upfront regarding expectations. As you share your enthusiasm regarding seeing them, mention that while they are visiting, they will be a part of the family. Let your guests know they are welcome to visit, but you have found yourself spreading your budget too thin with your large circle of family and friends.
Dining Expectations
Talk about meals in advance. Ask for assistance with meal planning and prep; for example, you can make things fun by appointing a chief barbecue chef. Chances are good your guests will offer to handle one or more of the meals. The thought may not have crossed their minds in the past since they were in ‘vacation mode.’ Before making dinner reservations, a quick “you don’t mind if we split the bill, do you?” will do the trick.
Fuel Up the Fun
On the topic of boating etiquette, I always recommend guests handle fuel costs. You might say something along these lines, “We are looking forward to going out on the water and are asking for a little help with fuel costs and refreshments. Whatever you can do would be much appreciated!” Having things settled before starting the boat will make for peace of mind.
The bottom line: your family and friends will understand you expect them to pitch in. Communication is key.
Good luck,
Diane
