Dear Diane,
I recently came to the realization that I might be sabotaging my own career! If you were to ask my colleagues to describe me, most would say I’m “positive” or “helpful,” but what I would prefer to be known as is assertive and confident. I’ve been so focused on learning new skills, avoiding mistakes and not making waves that I feel others perceive me as lackluster or an underachiever. I’m ready to step out and re-brand my image. What tips do you have for me as I work towards becoming more bold?
Thank you,
Cynthia
Dear Cynthia,
I couldn’t help but think of Dare to Lead by Brene Brown after reading your question. Regarding what is most needed in the leaders of the future, Brene writes: “We need braver leaders and more courageous cultures.”
So often we shy away from speaking our mind so that we don’t hurt anyone’s feelings or bruise another person’s ego. While this strategy is successful in avoiding difficult conversations, it doesn’t benefit you, your colleagues or the organization.
Here are a few key takeaways to reflect on as you strive to be more authentic:
“Clear is Kind. Unclear is Unkind.”
Brown writes, “Most of us avoid clarity because we tell ourselves that we’re being kind, when what we’re actually doing is being unkind and unfair.” I agree wholeheartedly. When we tiptoe around the issue or shy away from talking openly about our point of view, others can sense we aren’t being completely honest or transparent. This behavior can lead to them feeling frustrated or confused, not educated or inspired.
The next time a colleague or supervisor asks for your thoughts, remember that you are there because of your expertise and what you have to offer. As you adjust to being more direct, you may find it helpful to open with something along these lines: “I’ve thought a lot about this, and in my professional opinion … ”
Commit to Vulnerability
When we “lean into vulnerability,” it’s with the recognition that the conversation may not be easy; the topic may require more time and bring up even bigger questions. For example, getting to the bottom of why a project has stalled often involves peeling back the layers of what is going on. Maybe the project isn’t getting the attention it deserves because expectations were not clear or the deadline wasn’t realistic with already full plates. By being upfront and honest, you give others permission to do the same.
Stay Open Minded
You mentioned being positive and helpful, both of which will serve you well as you spark new conversations and listen to differing opinions. Brown writes about the willingness to “show up with an open heart and mind so we can serve the work and each other, not our egos.” Instead of aiming to reach a quick and clean resolution, focus on landing on the best possible outcome for all parties, even if it takes a little longer to get there.
Good luck,
Diane
