Dear Diane,
My 91-year-old grandmother gave me a gold watch for Christmas last year. Sadly, I don’t like it and will never wear it and don’t want the responsibility of watching over a family heirloom which holds very little sentimental value. I have other pieces she has given me over the years that I cherish. I would like to offer it to one of my sisters or cousins who will appreciate the piece of jewelry much more. Should I give it to one of my family members discreetly and ask for their confidence? I am moving soon and hope this year I get a pair of sheets for my new bed. I hope I don’t sound ungrateful. I am trying to be respectful and think ahead.
Thanks for your feedback,
Cesley G.
Dear Cesley,
You are not alone when it comes to receiving a family heirloom that is not your personal style or taste. I recently shared my thoughts on this topic with Well and Good.
Especially considering the item is an heirloom, you’ll want to handle things with grace and kid gloves. I would recommend contacting your grandmother and letting her know you will be moving soon and are paring down your belongings. You ran across the family heirloom and would respectfully like to re-share it with a sister/cousin who you feel would put it to better use.
The second option is to give it to a family member you trust implicitly and ask for their confidence. Explain how much you appreciate the gesture but would like for someone who will enjoy the watch to keep it safe and in the family. You always run the risk of your grandmother finding out so you must feel assured your “regift” will be kept in the highest of confidence. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees. That is why honesty is the best policy.
Heirloom gifts aside, see below for more of my thoughts on the dilemma of what to do with an unwanted gift.
Be Very Careful When You Sell It Online
Ebay, Craigslist, The Real Real, Poshmark and other online resources are a great way to clean out your drawers. However, this option can be tricky when selling an unwanted gift because the giver may see you peddling it online. You risk hurt feelings and a broken relationship over a gesture of goodwill.
Look for the Receipt
A savvy gift giver will include a receipt or proof of purchase from the store. You may not receive cash without a receipt, but often a store credit is extended when the retailer can verify the purchase was made at their company. Check the store’s return policy to determine how many days you have to return it. Holiday gift return and exchanges are often more lenient than other times of the year.
Be Honest
If you choose to pass along a gift to one of your friends or family members, be upfront. Let them know you received the present over the holidays. Say something like, “I am not fond of the scent of Gardenia and I know it’s your favorite flower. I thought you would enjoy this cologne and would love for you to have it.” A recent survey by American Express found 76% of Americans don’t have a problem with regifting. The key is to do it honestly so you don’t get caught and look like you were trying to pull the wool over someone’s eyes!
Food for Thought:
A 2015 report by the National Retail Federation stated that 58.8% of shoppers said they would like to receive a gift card, making them the most requested gift item 9 years in a row.
You may also find Regifting Etiquette: Is It Ever Okay? helpful. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, visit her blog, read her posts on Inc., subscribe to her articles on Huff Post, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow her on Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter. Buy her new book, Modern Etiquette for a Better Life.
