Dear Diane,
My longtime boyfriend and I recently parted ways; we realized that our goals were entirely different and we didn’t want to hold one another back from pursuing our interests any longer. I’m having a hard time preparing myself for the questions that may arise from family members around the table this year (especially since many were hoping for an engagement announcement).
Most know about our split but don’t have specifics, and unfortunately, a few think I’ve made a colossal mistake. I have been known to second guess myself and at times, can admit to missing “us.” Any advice on how to keep their questions at bay as I try to move forward?
Sincerely,
Kelsey
Dear Kelsey,
Ending a relationship is never easy, and I can tell you put a lot of thought into the decision. I’m so glad you’ll have more freedom to pursue your dreams as you look ahead. Know that you aren’t alone in second-guessing yourself but remember what a powerful role your intuition played in knowing it was time to move on.
Regarding this holiday season, mentally preparing for a few inevitable questions (and how you’ll respond to unsolicited advice) is a wise plan. If it helps you to feel more comfortable, practice a few simple responses regarding the breakup and don’t feel you need to share specifics. One example could be, “Thanks for sharing your concern. It wasn’t a decision that we took lightly. Having the support of family and friends as I map out my next steps means the world to me.” Redirecting the conversation as needed or excusing yourself to gather your thoughts is always OK.
You may also want to reach out to a trusted friend to give you an instant self-esteem boost beforehand. Or, take advantage of your phone’s reminder feature to send yourself a few empowering messages when you know you’ll benefit from seeing them.
Lastly, here are a few ways to be kind to yourself while you establish a new routine.
Find a New Adventure
You will probably want to keep your mind and body busy, and there is no better time than the present to attend a workshop or join a new group. Make it a point to step out of your comfort zone as you embrace learning a new skill. Consider purchasing a pack of classes at a local fitness or meditation studio for a pick-me-up that is worth the investment (or put it on your holiday wish list). I have a friend that swears by gifting herself a new set of workout clothes when she’s in a rut. The bright colors and fresh feel provide a little extra motivation to enjoy the great outdoors.
Reach for Nourishing Foods
It’s easy to let the holidays, with all of the many options for sweet treats, derail your healthy eating habits. Pick a day to prepare foods that are both nutritious and delicious. You won’t be as tempted to reach for a piece of white coconut cake or a chocolate peppermint cookie. But if you do, don’t beat yourself up and get back on track.
Reconnect With Old Friends
You may have let some important relationships fall by the wayside during your courtship. It happens more often than not, but your friends will be thrilled to hear from you. The holiday season is the perfect time to reach out to people you want to forge stronger ties with or establish a deeper friendship. You won’t regret making a connection.
Relish a Good Book
Ask for book recommendations from friends and family or pose the question on social media. You’ll find yourself with a growing list of “must read” publications. Create a cozy reading nook with a fuzzy throw and cup of cocoa or coffee and let your mind lose track of time. Your heart and soul will thank you!
My best,
Diane
For more of Diane’s etiquette tips read her posts on Inc., subscribe to her articles on Huff Post, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow her on Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter. Buy her new book, Modern Etiquette for a Better Life.
