Dear Diane,
I was wondering about your thoughts on cell phone use during dinner. (I think I can guess your answer!) My sister’s kids bring their cell phones to the table at every holiday meal. They text and play games the whole time and barely make eye contact. We only get together a few times a year and I want that time to be spent with one another, not staring at our devices. I am seriously considering implementing a “no phone policy” on Thanksgiving Day. Does this sound reasonable?
Thanks,
Don P.
Dear Don,
For most people, the upcoming holidays are an opportunity for family time. It is always nice to unplug and spend time face-to-face with loved ones. During these festive times, it shows respect to stow your electronic devices and give your full attention to your family and friends. It’s your home, you set the rules, which means you can certainly request a cell-free meal. However, asking for an entire day technology-free may be a bit tricky, especially if your sister’s kids are teenagers. Limiting their cell phone use for an entire day may feel like punishment. Your adult guests might also find your cell-free day restrictive and even punitive. There are valid reasons on which we rely on our cell phones and it may be hard for some guests to ditch them for an entire day.
This doesn’t mean you can’t create guidelines, but they must be realistic. To avoid stepping on anyone’s toes, definitely talk with your sister beforehand. Let her know you are going to ask everyone to put away their phones during the meal. Explain you would like to limit their screen time during the get-together. However, the rule should apply to everyone. Adults are just as guilty of being on their phones and it can be just as disruptive.
Here are some tips to help implement your no cell phone policy:
Offer Your Guests a Heads Up
If you plan on enforcing a cell-free holiday, let your guests know in advance. Give them a call and let them know of your desire to focus on making memories. Your sister can better prepare her kids and your guests will know what to expect. You don’t want to blindside anyone with a surprise phone ban.
Designate a Timeframe
Give specific times, such as during the meal or at the cocktail hour. There are some people who must have their cell phone available and the rules should consider the nature of their work or their specific needs.
If you know a guest is on-call for any reason, explain to everyone, especially kids, that this individual might take calls during the “no-device” period. Tell the kids that certain professions require being accessible, such as doctors and caretakers.
Fifteen Minute Warning
Make an announcement when you are requesting people to power down. This way, no one is caught off-guard. It gives everyone time to take that social media worthy photo.
Plan Conversation Topics
Come up with a few fun questions or topics of discussion to get kids and adults engaged. Try to keep your questions light and steer clear of controversial subjects. Asking about relatives’ childhoods, kids favorite foods, how grandma met grandpa and favorite dance moves will keep the mood upbeat. It’s a great way to get reacquainted with your family. When everyone’s laughing, they’ll be thinking less about their electronics, and more about the unique qualities of their family.
Here’s to hoping your holiday is full of fun instead of phones.
Sincerely,
Diane
You may also like How to Host Your First Thanksgiving. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips read her posts on Inc., subscribe to her articles on Huff Post, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow her on Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter. Buy her new book, Modern Etiquette for a Better Life.
