Dear Diane,
We were recently invited to a longtime friend’s home for dinner. As soon as we arrived, we found ourselves being whisked off to a spur-of-the-moment dinner reservation instead. Since we were the guests, I felt certain our host would be paying for the meal. However, my husband was uneasy. He asked the host if we could go “dutch” to avoid getting stuck with the entire bill.
While I appreciate my husband’s motive, I did not agree with his bold, straightforward approach. The host was extremely gracious and of course insisted on paying for the meal. Thankfully, he took my husband’s suggestion in stride and we had a great evening. Was I correct in assuming the host was going to pay for our dinner? Also, do you think we owe our friend an apology for my husband’s behavior?
Thanks for your help,
Christine
Dear Christine,
Although your husband had good intentions, your host handled the scenario properly. You were correct to feel somewhat ill at ease during this awkward dining exchange. From a protocol perspective, the person who extends the invitation also takes care of the bill and gratuity. Invited guests are sometimes unsure about who should pay for the meal and express a desire to cover their portion of the check, the entire bill, or handle the gratuity, all of which are unnecessary since the responsibility falls upon the host.
Mentioning the slip up to your friend may only perpetuate an uncomfortable situation. Your friendship has stood the test of time. I would imagine he quickly forgot about the exchange, so there is no need for any awkwardness about the outing. Instead, consider reciprocating with a meal at your home or their favorite restaurant.
You may also find my Dining Etiquette: Dinner Party Mistakes to Avoid helpful.
Sincerely,
Diane
