Dear Diane,
My son and his wife are expecting a baby and asked to use our home for their baby shower as we are centrally located with space to entertain. We happily agreed and let them know by text that our home can accommodate up to 35 people comfortably. They responded back right away that the mom-to-be had already invited 46 adults and 11 children.
After talking with my husband, we both agreed that we will be glad to make provisions to include the adults, but we are worried about young children in our home as it is not child safe or friendly yet (we’ll be baby-proofing before our grandchild arrives). We have many breakables that I’m afraid I won’t have time to store away. Are we inconsiderate for not wanting to host children, many of them toddlers, in our home? Any advice on how to graciously navigate this predicament would be appreciated.
Sarah M.
Dear Sarah,
Congratulations on your growing family! The conversation with your son and daughter-in-law would ideally have taken place in person or over the phone to go over these and other important details. A request to host a shower and a response back via text sets the scenario up for possible misunderstandings from the very beginning.
There should have been clear communication on the parameters of the shower before the first invitation was sent out. I suggest you ask to get together with your son and daughter-in-law to go over your concerns. Make sure your husband is present so everyone is on the same page. You may want to consider changing venues to another host’s home that will be better suited for children.
Have a conversation with your husband beforehand and decide what you can compromise on, along with any non-negotiables. Be prepared that feelings may be hurt at first, but you can work through any issues together. I encourage you to show respect and sensitivity, while also reminding them that you were not consulted before the invitations were mailed out. You certainly have the right to decide who, and how many people are invited into your home.
I’m confident you’ll reach a fair compromise and this bump in the road will be long forgotten by the time the pink or blue frosted cake is delivered.
Good luck,
Diane
For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, you may enjoy How Do I say “No” to Throwing an Expensive Baby Shower? Read her posts on Inc., subscribe to her articles on HuffPost, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow her on Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter. Buy her new book, Modern Etiquette for a Better Life.
