Dear Diane,
A close friend is expecting her first child and has asked me to kindly host her baby shower. While I’m honored she came to me with this request, I have deep concerns because I am a student and fear I won’t be able to afford the costs associated with the party. What is the etiquette of asking her friends and family members to pool our resources and talents to organize and pay for the celebration? Should I bite the bullet and stop acting like a “scrooge”? I don’t want to offend my friend by saying no completely, but it would be a huge help if I were to receive some extra support.
Kelly S.
Dear Kelly,
It’s rather unusual for a mom-to-be to ask someone to throw her a baby shower party. Ideally, multiple friends or family members organize a shower and pool their resources. As is customary, the host of the event pays for the celebration. Kelly, I recommend you let your friend know you would be happy to contribute with other people, but are not able to take on the entire financial obligation single-handedly. Offer to call friends and family to see if they are interested in co-hosting.
Recently, I attended a gathering where the host tried a different approach to hosting. She let us know she’d like each of us to bring our favorite childhood food, along with a handwritten recipe. As a modest group gift, for a second baby shower, she created a recipe book for the mom and newborn. For the party, she served the food each of us brought. Therefore, the host greatly reduced the cost of the shower. You’d be surprised how much fun it turned out to be! I’m sure your friend will understand that you simply cannot undertake an expense that you can’t comfortably cover. As a student, you have monetary restrictions. To be sure, it’s good judgment to be concerned. Please don’t allow yourself to feel obligated or pressured to make a decision that is ultimately not in your own best interest. A good friend will understand.
Best of luck,
Diane
You may also like Baby Shower Etiquette: Inviting Guests. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips read her posts on Inc., subscribe to her articles on HuffPost, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow her on Pinterest, Instagram, and Twitter. Buy her new book, Modern Etiquette for a Better Life.
